All paths begin somewhere. Mine, or at least this curve of it, began in July 2010, when I underwent my first Ordeal.
Back then, I was hovering between life stages, half-Maiden and half-Mother. My Mother, Danu, declared to me that I would undergo an Ordeal to finish the transition. The details of that Ordeal aren’t important; suffice to say it mixed my kink and spiritual lives for the first time. By October 2010, I had completely processed my Ordeal and made the transition to Mother.
Without my realizing, my relationship with my Father, Cernunnos, had changed as well. He was – and is – no longer my Father, but my Lover. It was a realization that came slowly, one I tried to ignore. At Beltane, it was driven home quite clearly during a rather vigorous god-fucking that I could not ignore it. He was taking His role, and I was to take mine.
I did not yet want to realize that this would mean more than the occasional fuck or devotion.
See, I have never been the most dedicated practitioner, and often try to ignore the Calls. I prefer to think of myself as lazy and don’t like change. This usually results in headaches, however – a continuous Clue-By-Four will do that after a while – and it becomes less painful in the long run to acquiesce. I don’t dislike or mistrust my deities or guides; I am simply absent-minded and resistant to upheavals in my life. My path has never fallen along this easy line, however, and simply gets more complex as time goes on.
But I digress.
The Ordeal was just the beginning. I still had much more to realize before I would come to where I am today.