Come gather ’round people, wherever you roam
And admit that the waters around you have grown
And accept it that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin’
Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin’.
– Bob Dylan, 1964
I’ve been doing a lot of reading of late, especially of journals and articles written by other godslaves, consorts, spouses, and servants. A subject that comes up fairly regularly is one of “rewiring” – of deity rearranging the physical and mental makeup of those They choose to help prepare them for the lives they will lead and the Work they will do. Hindsight tells me I’ve been getting rewired for years. I spent 18 months in therapy, and am on medication that helps me stay mentally stable and healthy. I’ve had to change my diet, not only for my own health, but for Kit’s, and most of the food I used to eat no longer tastes as good or agrees with me. This is all me being rewired. I’m only starting to feel it now because (1) I’m bloody listening for once, and (2) the changes are more profound.
In the past, I have not taken care of myself properly. I never got into the habit of washing my face and brushing my teeth twice a day, like one is supposed to (yes, ew, gross, I know; it is what it is). Being a bit of a night owl, I have always slept in on weekends, sometimes right up to noon, and smacked the snooze button on weekdays. I don’t normally remember my dreams; I don’t have a regular exercise regimen (despite attempts to create one); I never had a daily devotional practice, unless you counted me reading a list of web comics.
For the past week now, I’ve been waking up earlier – 6am on weekdays, 7am on weekends – with no alarm prompting me to roll out of bed, and none of my usual groaning. It was literally a switch being flipped; one day I hit snooze for half an hour, and the next I was out of bed doing pushups at 6AM. I routinely wash my face and brush my teeth now, twice a day, and the difference is starting to show. I have had memorable dreams every single night, and sit before my altar every night before bed, lighting His candles and writing to Him. And I haven’t checked any web comics since I came home from Twilight Covening – I simply haven’t wanted to.
Most noticeable to me is the constant hum in my head. I hear. Mostly Him, but I can also hear the others more clearly. I heard the Folk when they asked for a shot of Hobgoblin on Samhain; I heard the kahina when she scoffed at being included in a travel altar. But mostly I hear Him; guiding me, chuckling at my antics, encouraging me. It makes me very light-headed at times, and it’s exhausting, but I’m assured I’ll grow accustomed to it.
I am changing. I’ve been changing for years, a little at a time, but now it’s coming in a rush. It’s as if I’ve finally hit a point where a switch can be flipped on certain behaviors, and I’m more liable to change them. I don’t feel any less myself, or like I’m being controlled by a cosmic Jim Henson; on the contrary, I’m starting to feel my potential finally having a chance to come through. And while I’m currently tired, and the changes are a little daunting, I like that feeling.