Displeasure.

Cernunnos is not pleased with me.  W/we made a few deals, you see, involving Him letting me indulge and, in exchange, I was supposed to exercise.  He’s been putting a lot of focus on my physical health and appearance (which I’ll cover in detail in another post), and for the past week, we’ve had an agreement: If I wake up before 6AM, I must go for a walk.

This morning, I woke up at 5:04.  Tuesday I woke up around 5:30.  Monday it was closer to 5:00.  I went back to sleep.

Tuesday, I was supposed to do some exercise at home.  I have Netflix; I have EA Active; I have a fitness ball and yoga mat and resistance bands.  I had an extra piece of lasagna for dinner, but did not exercise.  I’ve been trying to justify it – in two weeks, my office moves and I’ll be walking a mile to and from work anyway.

No dice. He is not convinced, and not pleased.

He came this close to outright yelling at me this morning.  Not only have I not been fulfilling my end of the deals W/we’ve made, but He reminded me last night that I have not been open as I am supposed to be.  There’s a spot in my chest, you see – anahata, if you follow the chakras – that He has been pushing to have open.  Last night Kit came to me and, without a word, pressed a knuckle into anahata.  Cernunnos zinged me there after my time talking to Him.  There are reasons for this, I know, but I’ve been falling back into some habits that close me off again.

I am not keeping my end of the bargain.  He is letting me know.  I have five months of training left, and while I am making a number of changes of which He is proud, this is not one of them.

Keep your word, He reminds me.  I can’t be of use if I can’t keep my promises.  Tonight, as consequence, I’m not allowed to go to the Labyrinth Walk a friend is facilitating.  I must exercise.

It seems a small thing, this exercise deal.  But it’s not.  I made a deal, and I broke it.  One doesn’t break a deal with a deity and get away without consequence.

I’m not sure how to end this entry neatly; I’m tired, and His disappointment is clouding my head.  But I have to reiterate to myself: Failure is not an option.

About Fala

Fala Redwing is dedicated to Cernunnos as lover, submissive, and slave. A practicing Pagan since 2001 and a member of the BDSM community since 2006, Fala is an eclectic Witch and natural switch. Fala can be contacted at falaredwing@gmail.com.

2 thoughts on “Displeasure.

  1. He says to me: “if she doesn’t get her act together, remind her you can open her up the old fashioned way.” My understanding is through the energy work I do in combination with needles/cutting. Not a threat, at least not from me. Sorry, babe.

    • Fala says:

      I understand, and no apologies needed. Thank you for all you’ve done. I have no desire to call His bluff, because I know I’ll lose.

      Besides… I never did learn to play poker. :\

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