When I start a project on my own – let’s say a necklace – I answer to myself. If I don’t work on it on a certain day, I’m the only one it affects. I finish it in my own time, and I’m the only one to whom I answer about it being finished or not.
When I make changes for myself – let’s say eating better – I again answer to myself. There are various physical consequences for not eating properly, such as unpleasant digestive results or increased weight or poor test results at the doctor. But again, ultimately I am the one responsible for those consequences. I’ve lived like that for a long time, so I’m accustomed enough to all that physical stuff that it’s not entered my mind as a real consequence.
When I make changes for Cernunnos… it’s an entirely different story. The consequences are not set by me. I cannot avoid them the way I avoid my own. Reneging on O/our deal meant that I was not permitted to attend something I wanted. Ignoring His prodding on any given day means that I have to sit in the position He prefers for longer than I find comfortable (and because of my physical limitations, it’s uncomfortable to begin with). If I don’t follow His consequences, there will be others that I will be entirely unable to dodge.
Two questions come to mind: Am I willing to do what is needed to avoid the consequences? And am I willing to do what is needed because it is needed and because I love Him, not just to avoid the consequences?
Looking at it from a purely survivalist standpoint, and using the case of exercise (which has been the sticking point lately)… the pain of exercise is far less than the pain of the consequence for not doing it (sitting in position). So the brain says, “Do the exercise, dummy!” But more importantly, I want Him to be proud of me. I want to earn the honor He’s offering, and I can’t do that by doing what He asks simply to avoid the consequences. I have to do it because I want to change, that I want to do the work, and because I love Him… and I’m learning, a little at a time, that I do.
Besides… my knees would really like a little more time to get used to that position.