Broken Damns.

I’ve been struggling with my give a damn. Lately it’s been pretty broken. I’m being Told that some of it is intentional.

It bothers me. A lot. Last time my give a damn broke badly, I spent 18 months in therapy and was prescribed medication for anxiety (which I still take). After all of that, I was finally stable, for the first time in over a decade.

I’m feeling close to that edge again, and the fact that it’s intentional, at least in part, is brewing a little resentment.

Good, He says. Dammit.

A lot of things happen when my give a damn breaks, and it boils down to a resurgence of my dysthymia (a form of depression). It pisses me off, because I spent a lot of time, effort, funds, and tears to get myself out of this. I’m neglecting a lot of things that I should not be, things I have been Told to do, things I need to do.

But I haven’t taken off my training collar.

Right now I’m so tired I can’t think any more clearly on it. My sleep has been crap this past week, and all I want to do right now is crawl back into bed and let the world pass me by for a while.

But I haven’t taken off my training collar.

For some reason, that seems important.

About Fala

Fala Redwing is dedicated to Cernunnos as lover, submissive, and slave. A practicing Pagan since 2001 and a member of the BDSM community since 2006, Fala is an eclectic Witch and natural switch. Fala can be contacted at falaredwing@gmail.com.

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