I broke His heart.
I carry a lovely, iridescent green heart in my pocket, given to me by a friend years ago. Cernunnos claimed it as His, so when it isn’t in my pocket, it’s on the altar. I’ve dropped it before, mostly out of the pocket of my work pants while I’m in the restroom; my work pockets are pretty shallow and turn out easily. There were a few chips in the heart from this, which I never filed out or ignored. Lessons, I thought.
This morning, I was trying to fix my pocket and push the heart further into it. It came sliding out instead and hit the hard tile floor before I could catch it.
It lay in two pieces on the floor – the main of it and a clean slice. I picked both up, went back to my desk, and tried to fit them together. The slice fits on, but there’s a long, thin gouge that is missing out of it and is probably shattered across the restroom floor.
I nearly cried. I was trying to be careful…
And that was your mistake, He replied.
Kit said, “Autopilot.” And I will admit that I was distracted, as I had just gotten into work and had taken a book with me to the restroom. But there’s something else underneath too… trying to be too delicate with His heart. He’s been around a while and isn’t made of glass.
Kit’s offering to go to a local shop to replace it. Cernunnos isn’t so sure. I really want to glue it back together, keep carrying it, try to fix what I’ve broken best I can… and I think He likes that idea.
See, you can apologize. You can glue the pieces back together. But nothing, nothing can completely mend a broken heart. There will always be pieces missing. I already knew that. I’ve had it happen to me, watched it happen recently around me. I forgot it and broke His heart. And while He is not angry, doesn’t seem as sad as I am about it, it’s a reminder.