There’s a flip side to everything. This one is the opposite to the Petulant Child; this one is more like, “Huh? What? Me?” (Let’s call it HWM for short.)
Had a good conversation with my OM this afternoon. Things are falling into place, which is good! A few things caught the attention of HWM.
There’s a team of sneaky people helping my OM do the sneaky things they need to do to make this Ordeal effective. (Sneaky is my OM’s word.) There’s an EMT going to be on standby with their jump bag (because Murphy is rampant and he’s NOT INVITED TO MY PARTY, DAMMIT). There are people helping my OM and me in all kinds of ways – people who have agreed to be on my aftercare team, people who wouldn’t normally be attending the festival in the first place, people who are reading what I write and giving lots of wonderful advice, people who have lots of other things they could be doing on a Saturday night at Beltane, many of whom don’t know me from Jim Babs in the next town.
And they are coming together to help me.
HWM comes from a similar root as the Petulant Child, in that it’s a direct response against. It’s the result of years of trying to put away that egotistical, entitled, spoiled brat and replace her with something resembling a human being. And because I am me and I have not yet learned moderation, it swung from the Petulant Child and created someone who didn’t believe herself worth that kind of attention or focus. That sense of self-worthlessness has improved alot over time, but HWM is still the part of me that gets embarrassed by attention (while the Petulant Child revels in it).
So I look at all of these people gathering, all of these resources pooling together around my OM and me, all for the purpose of helping me with my Ordeal… and I am in some very embarrassed, bashful awe.
I guess all of that is kind of a verbose and embarrassed way to say… thank you.