Just over a week has passed since I completed my Ordeal. Now that the physical marks are healing, the mental processing is beginning, as are the Assignments.
This is a continuation of what W/we started before: my health. I was given a week off to eat what my body wanted, rest, and return to everyday life. Now I’m being Told: Time to get in gear.
I have to really buckle down on my food consumption – cook more at home, select more carefully when I do eat out, eat fresher foods. Kit and I have upped our farmer’s market visits and organic purchases, to the point where our meats and eggs are coming almost exclusively from farmer’s markets now. Since the cost of meat and eggs is higher at the market than it is at the grocery store, we’ll have to start eating meatless a little more often to make the meat stretch further, and using more interesting cuts (beef tongue is cheaper than ground beef at the market; stock bones are even cheaper). It will mean a lot more food planning, a lot more mindfulness. (This will become a theme.)
I’m still walking to and from work, and will start walking home for lunch again later this week. (As of today, I’m packing any food I don’t eat at home.) I do, however, have to start exercising more regularly as well. Last night, in exchange for ordering lunch, I agreed to set up my EA Active profile again and set up a workout plan for myself. The one I set up is just over ten minutes long, and it starts when I get home today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not when I get over myself. Today.
He will take away chocolate if I don’t behave. He’s said as much. And pouting won’t do squat to change His mind. (Try it with a Deity sometime. I’m just lucky He’s amused by it.)
Another continuation, and related to the first, is more attention to my appearance. I am to start wearing makeup regularly – and it has to be quality stuff, as non-chemical-laden as I can get it. I have to start paying more attention to the fit and look of the clothes I wear; I’m still allowed t-shirts and yoga pants, but I have to start assembling a quality winter wardrobe and summer wardrobe (just as long as I don’t throw Uncle Knick-Knack in there).
Notice I keep saying “quality.” This means an investment of funds as well as time. The makeup sources I have found that He likes are not cheap. The clothes I have found that fit and look nice? Also not cheap. We’re not talking $100 face creams or $200 pairs of shoes, but not $10 shirts and $5 mascara either. He wants His property to be healthy (Task #1) and take care of herself – that includes putting forth the effort to dress well and care about niceties like makeup, nail polish, and hairstyle.
Time with Him
Kit and I have a date night every Monday. We spend most of our time with each other. Since He has stated that He and Kit are equal, it’s time to set aside time for Him. Right now W/we have a date night set for once a month – every Dark Moon (Kit’s suggestion, and He liked it).
This is where my mental processing is starting. Last night I set up O/our calendar, starting with the date nights. First one is this Sunday, and it is odd to me to go to dinner without someone corporeal with me. It is even more odd right now to go without Kit, especially as this experience has brought us even closer together. But this is, essentially, a poly triad, and He – as my Lover and even more so as my Master – deserves and has a right to my full, undivided attention at times. It hit me harder than I expected it to last night – I was more worried about Kit’s feeling left out than I think I realized. He, as ever, is far more at ease and far less worried than I ever am. And Cernunnos, for His part, is being very, very patient.
Creating that balance will be the most challenging part. First priority is, as ever, the children we still have in the house. Fitting in my day job, self-care, Kit and Cernunnos (and His Work), and friends will mean a lot of…
Told you it would become a theme.
This is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. My lack of mindfulness has gotten me in trouble at home. It’s caused me trouble on the road. It’s brought me trouble at work. It’s even gotten me into trouble with Him – hell, today I was so focused on packing food and putting on makeup that I forgot to put my collar on this morning (although I’m more upset about it than He is). Floating through my days does me no favors, and He’s starting to bear down on it.
Mindful with my food. Mindful with my body. Mindful with my time. Mindful with my work, and my Work. Not to be mistaken for over-thinking – just be present and pay attention. Which, of all my Tasks, might be the hardest one for me, but the most important and rewarding in the end.
There’s still a lot more processing for me to do, and a lot more planning for all of U/us to do. As a friend of mine said this morning, “[I]t starts with one step. You just have to keep stepping.”