Funk in Pub-LIC

“Mr. White, you are being charged with drunk… in… publ-ic-kah!” I was like, “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I was drunk in a bar. They threw me into pub-lic. I don’t want to be drunk in pub-lic, I want to be drunk in a bar, which is perfectly legal…”

– Ron White, Blue Collar Comedy Tour

So this being public about my path thing? Sometimes it fucking sucks. And I’ve only been doing this for seven months.

But it’s a blog! And it means attention! And attention is good, right?

Yeah, no.

A week ago I received my first criticism. There were those who piped up directly to that criticism, stating that hey, everything was made very clear, everything was clearly consensual and this is her path and nothing appears to be coerced. There were people who posted wonderful supportive words here (and I thank you all for that). Yet my brain, being what it is, keeps hanging on to other comments: assumptions that I’m mentally ill, brainwashed, dragging my friends into it, and worse.

It shouldn’t matter. These are comments from people who don’t know me, who will never know me, whose opinions, in the long run, will fade from my memory. But it hurt. It still hurts. It makes me angry and sad, to where I want to crawl into a hole and not write anymore.

I’m not the first person to face this. I have friends who have been called all kinds of it awful things, far worse than I’ve experienced so far. This is just the first time; I am absolutely sure that it will not be the last. I will have to learn to defend myself reasonably, and grow a thicker skin. Otherwise I’m going to end up curled up in a ball on my bed, hoping to hide from the world.

So why continue? So many people follow their paths quietly. Why be public at all?

First and foremost, it’s a condition of my collar, my geas. In accepting Cernunnos’ collar, I accepted His edict that my journey would have to be public, shared with friends and strangers alike, the highs and lows documented honestly. I would have buried my reaction to this, pushed away the hurt and anger. Earlier tonight I considered a binding to limit the influence and effect of the criticisms and assumptions, and that was met with a thoughtful but firm No. I have to feel it; I have to experience it; then I have to write about it and post it for all to see.

Such reactions reveal another reason to keep writing, though – the need for dialogue. There is a lot of discussion right now about acceptance, allowing others to live and love and worship as they will. Yet when faced with a path like mine, it seems that all of that talk goes out the window in favor of fear and assumption.

I am a godslave. My husband is a shaman. My former teacher and good friend is a Labyrinth Keeper. Another friend is an atheist. Another is Baptist. That doesn’t stop us from being friends, from loving one another, or discussing our paths without judgment or fear. Yet in the greater community – especially the greater Pagan community – there is this massive divide between different paths. It makes me sad. It makes me angry. It hurts, and all I can do is ask why? (There are a ton of answers to that question, too.)

So here I am, funk in pub-lic.

About Fala

Fala Redwing is dedicated to Cernunnos as lover, submissive, and slave. A practicing Pagan since 2001 and a member of the BDSM community since 2006, Fala is an eclectic Witch and natural switch. Fala can be contacted at falaredwing@gmail.com.

10 thoughts on “Funk in Pub-LIC

  1. Rowan says:

    Here is something to bear in mind. The path you have been called to; that you have quite literally FOUGHT for, is a gift. It is YOURS. Yours to share with your husband, and your God. It does not belong to the naysayers. It does not belong to those who can not think outside their limited experiences.

    TRY…just try to realize that their assumptions come from one of two places (or possibly a combination there of):

    1. Jealousy and fear…which I put together because they are lovers, and often tangled with in each other. This space they come from has nothing to do with YOU. It is based on their experiences or lack there of.

    2. Love and concern…both of which are usually genuine. If not for you, then for the others who meander the periphery of your path with you. Again. It has nothing to do with you, but their reflection of it is based off their experiences.

    I honor your path. I honor your love.

  2. Darkamber says:

    I find it difficult to understand a path like yours, but I have no problems respecting it.
    You have shown incredible courage and strength in managing to go through your Ordeal, and a wonderful, deep love for your god. I admire you for this.

  3. Haters keep me honest. They keep me from letting my ego inflate too far. They make me aware of different perceptions of my work, so I’m always seeing things from many perspectives. Haters keep me from getting so lost in my own cosmology that I forget what I do is slightly off the beaten track. When I get caught up with the people who think Shamans are the cool kids, and Ordeal Workers are the bad boys of the cool kids, and I start to think of myself as being all Rebel Without a Cause, the haters bring me back to earth, remind me that this is just a oddly-looking way to chop wood and carry water.

    Haters have strong reactions, which means what I’m writing/saying/doing is emotionally moving, and that’s better than the opposite. For every person who speaks out against you, there are ten who are hanging onto your every word, but they don’t have the courage to speak up yet. Maybe the haters will encourage them to de-lurk, to state their truth for the first time, knees knocking and voice shaking.

    Haters remind me that doing this Work is very much tied into my reputation; if my clients think I’m a crazy, unbalanced, egotistical grifter, then I have no clients, and that makes Loki sad. 🙂 No, it doesnt’; It pisses him off to no end, since he did all this work to make me a functional tool, and he’s got a lot of nails that need hammering. Haters who tell me I can’t call myself a shaman because there are perfectly functional Old Norse words for what I do, remind me that my words and experiences have a cost, and I need to pay it with respect, honoring the source.

    And most of all, haters gonna hate.

    • Fala says:

      *chuckles* Have I mentioned lately that you’re awesome? Thank you for this. *hugs*

    • I’m glad you mentioned the silent ones that hang on every word and find encouragement and help in the words. I’ve found that my blogs on FB about yoga do that for people. Just me describing the simple and mundane work of practicing yoga seems to inspire. Other things do too. Some people won’t like it, others ARE hanging on every word. Hard to remember when you’re not seeing them respond, but they are there.

  4. Eric S says:

    Hate and Anger are a form of Fire and that can be very transformative. Years ago, such hate pushed me towards where I am now. It is not what they feel that matters in the end, it is what YOU feel AND what you do with it.

    Luck in Battle, whatever that may be.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s