Physicality.

So being a lover of Cernunnos is a massive challenge. In so many ways, but at the moment I’m keenly feeling the lack of touch.

This isn’t to say I can’t feel Him. He can be very compelling. I can feel His contact as energy, as pressure, with different intentions and intensities. I’m learning to discern what each means – a bite, a touch, a thrust, a strike. It can be wonderful, intense, comforting, or painful.

But it’s not touch. And that’s where the challenge comes in.

I’m a very, very physical person. I love touch. Hugs, snuggles, caresses… skin-to-skin contact is just wonderful to me. It’s one of the few aspects of being social that is not draining. I’m very fortunate in that I have a corporeal partner; I know of other god-spouses and -consorts who have no such option. But it doesn’t make it easier when spending time with Him.

Some of the processing I did on Friday night involved this very thing. When I love someone, I tend to touch them more often – hugs, a hand on a shoulder, snuggling, petting hair, patting a knee, rubbing a back. Platonic or romantic, touch is one of those things I do that demonstrates how I feel about a person.

I love Him, and I can’t touch Him.

On Friday night, the frustration of it made me cry.

He was distressed. I’m not sure I’ve ever known Him to be so. He said, “Feel Me in the wind. Feel Me in the leaves. Feel Me in the things around you. That is My touch. That is how you touch Me.”

After that, the Black Cloud hit, and I couldn’t reach Him through the interference. I’ve just started coming out of it, really wanting time with Him, needing time with Him.

Yesterday, walking home from work, I felt a drop on my lower lip. Two more touched my forehead. Another touched my lip again.

It was a bright, sunny day. Rain on a sunny day isn’t unheard of… but there were no drops on the old pages of the book I read, nor any on the delicate fabric of the shirt I wore.

I felt kissed, and I felt comforted.

Today I can feel Him stirring, present, and I am relieved. It is not the end of frustration, but it is the beginning of a resolution.

Query the hive mind: How do other consorts and spouses cope with the lack of touch from their Lovers and Spouses?

About Fala

Fala Redwing is dedicated to Cernunnos as lover, submissive, and slave. A practicing Pagan since 2001 and a member of the BDSM community since 2006, Fala is an eclectic Witch and natural switch. Fala can be contacted at falaredwing@gmail.com.

5 thoughts on “Physicality.

  1. Elizabeth says:

    Learning to become very, very good at astral projection saved my sex life šŸ˜‰

    • Fala says:

      *grins*

      I’ve gotten a few other really good suggestions too. Nice thing is that I can feel Him during our time together – especially during intimate time. (I can climax without touch, which helps U/us a LOT. Coincidence, right?) But yeah, the skin-to-skin thing is hard for me. W/we’ll be talking all of this over, that’s for sure. šŸ™‚

  2. Alex says:

    I used to be a lot more sensitive to the fact that I have not had time with Him in the flesh, but it’s fallen by the wayside lately. I guess since I don’t yet know what it’s like to be with Him sexually that it’s not something I really worry about or consider at this time. I do wish I heard His in a more definitive way, but that will either come with time or it won’t–it’s also something that I can’t worry about or it will drive me more than slightly crazy.

  3. danshull says:

    I think Rowan (Q., now lives in Florida w/ her two offspring, if that helps?) pointed me here a while back, so I’ve been following your blog with more than a bit of interest. I’m commenting on this particular post because I have a similar thing with Those I follow. They do what They can, of course, but since I don’t have a partner of any sort, bringing in the “skin to skin” contact is rather difficult.

    How do I cope? When I take time with Them, I try my best to give myself at least some of the sensations They would. It isn’t quite enough, but it has to do for now.

    And I’m not exactly “out” on WordPress as far as Them and how I am with Them, so… I’ll leave an email address if you want to follow up. And please do check with Rowan, I suspect she can vouch for me. *grin*
    seabhacmhor gmail com

    • Fala says:

      I believe you. šŸ™‚ And this blog really is for everyone to read, if they so choose, so thanks for stopping in. šŸ™‚

      And any time… falaredwing at gmail dot com. šŸ™‚

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