One thing I haven’t quite processed from this past weekend, but needs mentioning, is Saturday night’s drum circle. Not because I danced for Him; not because I sang for Him. (Those are subjects for another post.) But because of a conversation I had with a friend.

They sat with me at the fire circle and apologized to me for being distant the last time we were in a room together. The details of the conversation are too precious to share; suffice to say they read what happened, then read the blog, and it hit a trigger so big that they needed to detach themselves from me for a while.

I knew, in my head, that being on this path and having to be open about it would make things difficult. I’ve already felt the sting of criticism from strangers. I was in shock at how close I came to losing a friend, and it hit hard. Understanding the theory is very, very different from the experience.

I was very lucky this time. My friend and I are in a good place and able to move forward. Many of the other friends who know about my path have been supportive, even if they don’t understand it. But I’ve seen what can happen to a community when a path diverges, what happens with some people when someone travels a road not always understood. I will not always be so lucky.

Not everyone will understand, I know that. I don’t ask them to. My path winds so far out into left field that, for some, understanding just isn’t a reasonable expectation. But acceptance… that’s different. And I think that’s where we, as human beings, sometimes go wrong. It’s one of my biggest personal challenges. I want to understand! I want to know why! And sometimes there isn’t understanding. Sometimes it’s just not possible. Sometimes it’s just about accepting. That’s where I need to approach this, living this path so publicly. It’s not about getting people to understand. It’s about explaining it, providing the chance to accept… and then accepting it myself if they can’t.

So to all my wonderful friends… I love you. Thank you for accepting. ❤

About Fala

Fala Redwing is dedicated to Cernunnos as lover, submissive, and slave. A practicing Pagan since 2001 and a member of the BDSM community since 2006, Fala is an eclectic Witch and natural switch. Fala can be contacted at

3 thoughts on “Friendship

  1. emcic says:

    I really loved this post….and am so very proud of you!

  2. I know I said it briefly at Midsummer, but I’ll say it here again. I’m so proud of you. Watching your growth over the years, and it’s very apparent even to those of us so far removed from it all, has been a blessing.

  3. Rowan says:

    I have to confess; reading the different perspectives of your ordeal was triggering for me in some respects as a survivor of domestic violence, and rape. However, I have the utmost respect for doing something so visceral to obtain a deeper, closer, more personal relationship with deity.

    For me my Daddy was everything God should be; which is why my personal perspective on Jehovah God is so different. I see him as funny, parental, caring. Not just some mean old guy in the sky with a book of rules, ready to give out punishment if I thought about doing wrong. That isn’t to say I didn’t get spanked as a kid. I actually did. But with very specific rule. 3 swats. One for the incident, one to remind me not to do it again, and one because my Daddy had to punish me. We also had a mandatory cooling off period before being disciplined (“As much for my sake as your daughter.”) I share this to say…I think it helps me understand certain parts of your ordeal, and see the value in it.

    My innate curiosity led me to look into BDSM years ago, and truly explore what the difference between sexual abuse and kink were. So, I can for sure understand from that perspective.

    My own unique relationship with Papa helps me grasp it more fully, though again it is very different than what you have undertaken. I admire your accountability, your tenacity, and love with Him. My life has been touched by Him in a very different way, but you can never forget even the brush of his breath.

    Much love to you!!

    AND I agree with Jackie, watching your metamorphosis has been both breath taking and a blessing.

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