Back in February, before my Ordeal, I took my first Labyrinth walk. Cernunnos invented a game for U/us to play then, and while I’ve walked and danced the Labyrinth several times since, the game has not come up again.
Last night was another walk, facilitated as usual by our friends IJ and R, and I revisited O/our Labyrinth Game.
On the way in, I thanked my Mother Danu. I thanked my Friend Ganesha. They have been with me, and been patient with me, since the beginning, and more so since His passing. Thanks were long overdue.
Otherwise, my mind was on Him, and all the maudlin feelings I have right now. At the center my grief waited for me, and I sat with it for a while. No tears came, but I sat and felt. After a time I stood, waited, held there for a minute, took a breath, and turned to leave.
I know the rules, I thought to myself. And so I started the game.
Why do I miss You? I repeated to myself as I walked the lengths of the Labyrinth. Don’t answer until you reach the turn. No repeats. No obvious answers.
Why do I miss You? Your smile in my soul.
Why do I miss You? Your lust.
Why do I miss You? Your every kind of touch.
Why do I miss You? Your bloodthirst.
Each thought brought up a memory, and I reveled in them. This Labyrinth is smaller than the one in February, but the game was no less challenging, and no less needed. Before I knew it I had reached the exit. I hugged IJ and went to Kit.
“Was He there?” was his first question. I shook my head. “Are you sure?” he asked knowingly. I shook my head again. Even if Kit felt or saw Him, I am not allowed to right now.
“But He was here,” I replied, pressing a hand to my heart. “And here,” I added, touching my temple.
And He will be back to me in February. Patience is not one of my virtues, but for those I love, and for He whom I serve, I will try to be patient. 🙂