“Up and down…”

Up and down, up and down,
I will lead them up and down:
I am fear’d in field and town:
Goblin, lead them up and down.
– Puck, Midsummer Night’s Dream, III,2,1454

While I am blessedly free of Puck himself at the moment (especially as most of the Folk are currently slow and sleepy), my life has been very up and down. Lots of good, and enough AARGH to balance it out.

Let me get the growl-worthy bitching out of the way. First and foremost, as I’ve been whinging about for a month: Sir is not here and I miss Him. My day job? Making me bonkers; I’m so ready to get the fuck out of here. A few things have conspired to frustrate me where our favorite events for next year are concerned. Our youngest’s grades are way less than stellar, and helping him fix it is more complicated than it could otherwise be because of his personal history. There are piles around the house that need to be addressed – papers, laundry, and other bits and pieces that really should have a place. I’ve got friends and family going through medical crises that have my worry going ZOOM. Our dresser is broken, the fridge is leaking, the dishwasher is broken, and the garbage disposal is busted. It’s the holidays, which is ALWAYS stressful, and I haven’t even gotten to storage to get the decorations (which I dearly want to get up this year, because DAMMIT IT’S THE HOLIDAYS). Life has got me scurrying about like mad, and all I want to do is be a cave troll and collect myself.

So I’m tired. Very tired. I want to curl up and rest in my little hidey-hole cave.

But. But.

I’ve got a lot of happiness crowding up on that whole paragraph of WHINE to say, “This is manageable. Your life doesn’t suck. And you’ll get through.”

First: Sir is reborn in two weeks, and I get to watch Him grow until He comes back to me on February 2nd. Meanwhile, I have other guides and deities who have blessedly filled the space He left, keeping me company and offering me guidance. I have a job – which not everyone does – that helps pay the bills while we get our businesses established. The majority of the scurrying is positive – time with friends and family and delightful little trips. There are a number of other events coming up that are awesomely interesting and have the potential to help our businesses grow. Our oldest has had a good opportunity come his way; our middle child seems to be content and even almost thriving; and our youngest is otherwise healthy and well-adjusted. There is stuff I can do to help with the medical crises, and some of those crises have recently passed with good results. The fridge, dishwasher, and garbage disposal can be fixed by our apartment management, at no cost to us. Our businesses are starting to get positive attention and the gap between spending and earning is slowly closing. It’s the holidays, which means eggnog and twinkly lights and good smells and lots of smiles. Our home is warm, lived-in, comfortable, and it’s HOME. I have some good family, a whole massive bucketload of amazing friends, and the very best ever spouse in the world (even if he doesn’t think so) who is patient and funny and an awesome cook and lovely and really good at snuggles.

Up and down, up and down. Life is full of frustrations right now, but they are helping me to count my joys, and to revel in them, and my joys are helping me cope with my frustrations.

Up and down, up and down. Life, come lead me up and down.

About Fala

Fala Redwing is dedicated to Cernunnos as lover, submissive, and slave. A practicing Pagan since 2001 and a member of the BDSM community since 2006, Fala is an eclectic Witch and natural switch. Fala can be contacted at falaredwing@gmail.com.

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